Highmauve: Tobi's Dorm

After a moment, the door opens just a crack. Tobi stands in the open doorway. He’s clad in a pair of old worn in sweatpants that have seen so many better days. The edges of the pants are torn near to shreds from just how much use he’s gotten from them. The threads hang against the slippers he’s wearing. His Pa had made them; they’re thick and warm, lined with rabbit fur. He’s wearing a shirt he’d gotten from some school event, it’s tie dyed in blue hues with white text on the front. His hair’s a little messy, the bags under his eyes are a little deeper, and his lids droop a little further than usual. His wire framed glasses are perched low on his nose, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

He looks over at Noelle in the hallway and his expression warms. His eyes catch on the coffee she’s holding, and he reaches out a hand to grab at it. No words are exchanged as he takes the coffee; he seems exhausted and wrung out. He’s spoken too much today, he ain’t in the mood much for talking. A step to the side is the invitation she gets to come inside. He's glad she's here, glad she texted him. Glad she understands, hopes she understands. He just wants to curl up for a little bit with some good company and forget about things for a while.

Inside, his laptop is quiet for once, the room eerily quiet without the constant soft bluegrass. The window is open like it always is and a soft breeze ruffles stray papers into a slow flutter. Blankets and pillows have been piled on the bed in a soft little fort. On his desk is the manila envelope Mr. Hawthorne had handed him earlier. The contents are spread out on the surface, held down by some of the knick knacks his parents have sent him. He'd given up halfway through trying to read the contents.

Noelle silently steps inside, sipping her tea. She finally understood the worry that Tobi had for her when she was wrapped up in her Evan nonsense. Shivering at the memory, she takes his hand, tilting her head ever so slightly. Her fingers curl around his, and she gives a very soft hum, putting her bag down, carefully. She inspected him closer now- the messy hair was different than usual. It was unkempt and totally unlike him. The bags were concerning and he looked incredibly exhausted. That meeting must have taken a lot out of him.

She notices the papers that litter his desk and frowns. They looked legal, which worried Noelle. She hoped that Tobi was okay and not in any legal trouble, especially with Evan or the school. With Homecoming being what it was, Noelle decided not to press any charges against Evan. She figured it would only cause more trouble, trouble that she didn't need right now with school, work, tutoring, counseling and allowing time for Tobi. But still, that was a lot of notes and papers. She made a mental note to see if he wanted her to look of it for him

She starts to walk to his bed, sitting down, folding her body so tightly that she only takes up a small space. Once he sat down, she would curl up into him, hoping her presence in his space would be as comforting as it had been for her. She slowly pulls out one of the books from her bags- it was some older, second-hand edition of Andrew Lang's fairy books. She opens up to a page that was tabbed off but does not start reading. She watches Tobi, silently pleading for him to come to take a load off and join her in bed.

Part of her hoped that this wasn't overstepping, but she was way too concerned for his well being to hold back. She sat in his bed, patiently, her wide eyes not leaving his figure.

Tobi stands in the doorway for just a moment to take a long pull of the coffee. It’s delicious, just how he likes it. The burn follows the length of his chest before settling low and before he realizes, the cup is near empty. He looks at it quizzically for a second before settling it on the nearest available surface.

“Thanks.” His voice is low with a slight rasp to his usual drawl.

He looks over his space, as if he’s deciding what to do. The legal papers need taken care of, that’s for sure. His eyes linger on the pristine white sheets covered near top to bottom in black text, each with a line at the bottom for him to sign or initial or something of the sort. He knows that’s gotta be his first priority right now, what with his future riding on the outcome of this… whole thing. But then his eyes catch Noelle’s, and the part of his brain that had any fight left in it to stay awake and productive fizzles out.

She’s settled herself on his bed, and the thought of curling up next to her is oh so inviting. His feet patter against the floor in his homemade slippers until he reaches the bed. Tobi sits next to her and the sigh that escapes him as he hits the pile of blankets speaks of sweet relief. He pulls up his feet to settle himself into the blankets and around her. The bed's not made to hold two people of six-foot stature, but they make do.

“Howdy, darlin,” he sleepily mumbles into the thick material of his quilts.

"Hey, you." She says, incredibly softly. She pulls her own blanket on top of them and then slowly curls herself into him, feeling him breathe, feeling his steady heartbeat. The knit blanket was surprisingly soft, and Noelle tucked the ends of it underneath the both of them. The warmth trapped itself immediately between them and she sighed, curling up even tighter.

How he had set up the blankets and pillows reminded her of her own tendency to create forts instead of sleeping in her bed like it was intended to be slept in. When she was young, she would often create little nests for herself around her home out of blanket and pillows and her favorite books. They were always remarkably cozy and warm. But Tobi's own warmth outmatched the memories.

She saw him look at the papers and decided that yes, she would read them over. But later. Tobi needed to rest, and she was happy to be there for him. She settles in, relaxing against him. She felt safe and solid, the invisible tether connecting them wrapping around both of them. The soft smile on her lips grew a little bit as she murmurs "Long day?"

Noelle knew the answer to that question, but she felt like she needed to ask. She turns to face him, her eyes looking a little tired themselves. She leans up and kisses his cheek, before settling back in, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. This was something someone could get addicted to and she had the feeling like she wasn't going to go back to her own dorm tonight. The sudden flash of the memory of her and Tobi sleeping with each on his couch resurfaced and she blushed. This small dorm room had been so seminal in their relationship. she realizes.

“Mmm.” Tobi hums in agreement. His eyes are still closed, his hair a mess around him. The frames of his glasses are mushed against the pillow, making them skew strange on his face. He’s so tired after his day at the lawyer’s and his trip there and back on the bus. When he feels her lips on his cheek though, he smiles. It’s sleepy and warm, and oh so content.

His arm comes up and settles heavy around her. “Legal shi’.” He mumbles soft and barely comprehensible. “Long bus trip. Lawyer.” There's a name mumbled then, but it's so soft and sleepy that it's too quiet to be heard. Anything he says after is just a series of grumbles and hums in a cadence that sounds like sentences.

He can feel himself drift in the warmth of the bed and the comfort of her near. The fall is so close; if he lets go, he would be asleep and in the world, connected in that wonderful way that brought him so much calm and peace. But, Hawthorne said no.

So he swallowed it, closed that gate and tried to focus on what was here and now. She was here, she was now. So he lets himself sleep without that tether to the world, replacing it instead with her.

Noelle settles herself into him, putting her book down carefully. She then takes off his glasses just as meticulously, putting them to the side.

She listens to his murmurs and grunts, trying to decipher. A lawyer, that was obvious. But what was his name? She missed it but didn't want to waste his waking moments focusing on the man that had drained all of his energy. Instead, she gives a soft "I'll help you look over it, alright? The papers... Later. Just rest."

Noelle stays awake in his arms, allowing the warmth to encompass her and fill her. She takes off her own glasses and listens to his breath, his grumbles. But it feels different. She had only been in this position with him once before but the world was... strangely quiet. Not connected to Tobi, to his essence. That's weird, she thinks to herself, as she settles in even deeper. Her hand intertwines with one of his, squeezing for a moment and then her thumb traces a pattern on the back of his hand. She hoped it was comforting, that she was comforting.

October 25, 2008

10:30 PM

Noelle had just watched her family leave. The day had worn on her- she looks wrung out with a dangerous glint in her eyes. So when she knocks on Tobi's door, standing up straight, a hand on her hip, she looks completely done with any BS being thrown her way. Which was fair, as she just had to have her 8-year-old sister promise her to not let any threats or comments that come her way affect her and that if she ever felt afraid, she needed to call Noelle. She had to have a quick but meaningful conversation with her mother, about the impact that the day was going to have on the general populous of the university.

She still wears sweatpants and her sweatshirt, but her hair is piled on top of her head, still fairly damp. She stands tall. Waiting. This conversation was going to be hard, but it had to happen. She was done pushing this issue to the side, thinking that it would be best for her, for Tobi, for the world around them. She was done treading carefully around the issues. She was absolutely done with all of the bull shit. And her presence magnified that.

Tobi was coming back from seeing his parents off. They had taken them to the edge of campus to a more secluded area of forest that no one really walked through. Agnes was tired, and figured that it might be better and faster to have the two of them find their way home. Paved roads and houses had given way to treetops and the soft hum of the forest, and her parents had both left then in a haze of fog.

Agnes had given him a ride back to campus after. Not much was said in the car as Tobi leaned against the window of the passenger’s side door. Agnes left him in the parking lot near his dorm with a hug and a final word.

“Stop bein’ stupid.” She had said with a flick to his forehead. Tobi just rolled his eyes.

“Can’t promise nothin’.” He had said back with a tired grin.

Now though, walking up the stairs to his dorm room, he just wants a shower, some comfortable pajamas, maybe a cup of warm tea. He’s still got some leftover from what that freshman gave him a while ago, said it was good for sleep. After tonight, he has no doubts he’ll at least sleep a little bit. When he crests the stairs though, he feels that maybe tonight had different plans in store for him.

‘Oh,’ he thinks. ‘Guess later means now.’

Soft footsteps bring him closer to the girl in front of his door. She turns and she looks pissed. Doesn’t blame her though, day was hard on everyone, especially her. First time that glare has been leveled at him though. He's gotta say, it's not a good feeling.

“Noelle?” he asks.

"Tobi."

It's plain but has a bite to it. Noelle stares at him, steady and level. She takes a deep breath, her gaze softening a little bit, but she still looks like she is going to break something if she doesn't get what she wants. So she speaks "This is what is going to happen. We are going to go inside, you are going to lay in bed. I am going to look over all of those documents that are spread out on your desk while you tell me what the fuck is going on with you. Then, you are going to get a good night's sleep. Understood?"

Her words are clipped with steel, but with the hard look in her eyes is deep, deep caring and concern. She has never been pushed this far by someone she loved doing something dangerous. It was a perk of not getting close to anyone, but now that her hooks were into him, she couldn't help but let her worry consume her. But you know what? She was allowed to feel that way right now. With everything that has happened, she needed Tobi to be healthy and not pushing himself off of a cliff.

So she stood there, shaking, her eyes bearing into his, jaw clenched. Waiting for him to deflect. Waiting for him to try and brush it off.

Because that wasn't happening.

Tobi watches her, listens to her speak. She’s got fire and steel in her voice and though it’s new to have those aimed at him, he can’t say that he enjoys it. Looking her up and down, it’s clear that she’s at the end of a long day. Sweatpants, freshly showered, and looking like she isn’t taking no for an answer.

Still, he hesitates. He doesn’t want to involve her in this. That had been the whole plan from the beginning; to take care of this whole debacle as quickly and quietly as possible without worrying Noelle. He didn’t want her to worry, didn’t want to concern his parents or Agnes, and honestly wanted to prove that he was capable of handling himself in the real world. That he was stable and that he was a rock for others to lean on. Who was he kidding though?

He was struggling. He couldn’t make heads or tails of the documents still on his desk, and he meets with Hawthorne soon. Tobi had half a mind to just sign the documents and be done with it. All he wanted to do was graduate and help people in the way that he knew he could, backed up with a degree that proved he could. Why was that so hard? He opens his mouth to shrug off Noelle’s concerns, to brush them aside one more time and push past her into his room. There was a bed in there, blankets that reminded him of home, and a quiet darkness without any of these goddamn strings just on the dark fuzzy edges of his vision. He just wants to sleep so bad, he’s so so tired.

He's about to do all of that when he catches a glance at Noelle again. There’s something there in her eyes. He knows she ain’t going down without a fight, but after tonight, he’s got no fight left in him. Instead he sighs and steps forward to unlock the door.

“Still on th’ desk.” He mumbles as he moves past her into the room and toward the bed. The invitation is all she needs to make her way to the pile of papers he hasn't touched in about a week. He waits until she’s turned around before sliding off his shirt and pants and throwing on a pair of sweats. He sits on the corner of the bed to wait for Noelle to finish reading, but even that’s too much. Time passes and he slumps further and further down. When Noelle finally finishes, his head has hit the mattress.

Noelle takes the papers in one swoop and sits on the couch, perched like a bird. She tears through the papers quickly, frowning deeply. These were dense, even to her standards. So many words to make the document airtight, to make it as complicated as possible. She finds herself reading sentences over and over again. Still, there wasn't anything egregious yet. Just a lot of jargon that she peeled past to get to the meaning. In the corner of her eyes, she saw Tobu slumping closer and closer to sleep, and she sighs, saying quietly "You can sleep if you need to. But I'm staying here until morning if I have to."

She keeps scanning for a couple more minutes, and something drops on her face. She blinks a couple of times and re-read multiple times, before looking up at Tobi, her glasses at the end of her nose. She's only over halfway through, but she had found something completely and totally offensive. Something that would completely screw over not only Tobi. but potentially the whole program.

"Tobi." She starts, looking up at him, fully concerned "Who is your lawyer?"

She pauses, reading over again "Because, according to this, the advisory board can negotiate the use of power and mutation inhibitors, no matter the outcome of your meeting with the advisory board. They could become  required in order to be a part of the Mutant Immersion program. And you would be subject to use them first if the negotiation goes through. No matter your position in this program."

Her shaking has gotten worse, the paper trembling in her hand. She stares at the paper, trying to find something that shows that this isn't the case. That this was a clause if Tobi lost, or if the words were flipped or anything. But it wasn't. Every mutant kid on campus could be forced to wear power inhibitors. And for those like herself, it was a mild inconvenience. For kids like Tobi? Who needed their powers to function at the same level as everyone else? They had no chance. She starts flipping through the papers, her eyes searching for the name of the lawyer who had agreed to this, who might have even offered this.

Tobi looks up from his bed. His eyes blink blearily. “Wait, wha’?” He blinks again and looks towards the window as if processing that statement. There’s a pause there as he turns over in his brain what Noelle just said. That couldn’t be right. Hawthorne told him they would win this appeal. That was hardly a win, that was nothing, that was shit. Suddenly sharp grey eyes narrow in a glare directed at no one in the room. There’s a lurch in his chest, the strings are there and filling his vision, luminescent and bright. He swallows it on instinct, but they refuse to go, burning their image on his retinas.

“He sai’ we were winning. He sai’ he ne’er lost.” Tobi is LIVID. There’s a tug again in the back of his mind and he has to stand now to keep it at bay and buried. “I knew he wer’nt straight w’ me, I knew he gettin’ somethin’ outta this, I knew… Tha’ goddam’ snake!” Tobi nearly growls the last word. He’s frustrated, he’s furious, he’s… god he don’t even know. Wet pricks at the corners of his eyes. He blinks it out, ignores the sudden blind spots at the corners of his vision.

He had thought this was it, that this was the solution to his problems. That he and Hawthorne would sort this out and he could continue college like nothing had even happened. He had finally gotten his hopes up that something good was happening in his favor, and now? Now, now, now, now. He repeats the word in his head. There’s nothing else there but that lurch and it’s so hard to keep it back, it hurts, he hurts, he’s tired and he hurts and he’s so, so scared of this feeling he’s never felt before pulling hard at him. It’s begging him to give in and just fall harder than he’s ever fallen before and to just tug hard at the strings swimming in his vision. He can’t though. He needs to prove he’s in control, not this itch, if he even wants a chance in front of the advisory board.

Hands grip at his hair as he paces the room, his eyes flicking closed as he does. She askin’ his lawyer’s name, why’s it matter now? He don’t want to agree to this, two more years of this: not sleeping, strung out, scared, worried, disconnected. He can’t do it, can’t keep this up for much longer. At the same time though, he’s broke. He’s got no other options. He’s trapped between two equally bad options, and he don’t know what to do. The room’s too small suddenly, he needs to get out, leave.

“Hawthorne,” he mutters as he paces, looks out the window, ignores the itch and tug under his skin. “Richard Hawthorne.”

As soon as Tobi gets up, Noelle shoots her gaze at him, watching. He's erratic He's angry. He's frustrated. But the world outside the window stayed the same. He was holding it all inside, and he was pacing like a lion in its cage. Too proud for its own good, trapped.

She reaches for his arm, slow him down. Tell him to let go. She opens her mouth.

But then he says the lawyer's name.

Noelle blinks. Did she hear him correctly? Richard. Hawthorne.

She doesn't just groan or grumble. She roars.

"Richard Hawthorne!? Richard. Hawthorne." Noelle's hands go to her temples. A fire burns in her belly and in her eyes, her face scrunching up. She couldn't believe it. After eight years. EIGHT YEARS. He never wrote or called or even acknowledged her existence. She starts breathing heavily, staring at the papers. She literally saw red, the words blurring together into a mesh of ink. The paper starts smoking, the ink boiling on its page. She stands up quickly, the papers flying to the ground. She walks to the window, muttering under her breath, and turns around suddenly She looks at Tobi, her eyes bright and angry "Richard. Fucking Hawthorne? Do you know who he is?"

Of course, he doesn't. She only talked about him once or twice, she felt so afraid to confront her memories of him, to really delve into it. But now that he was again part of her life in this sick twisted way. Manipulating this boy that she cared so deeply, the first person she opened up to since he had left.

"Tobi. Richard Hawthorne is my dad."

The last word is spat. It tasted like bile. She looks outside, and quick as a whip, she kneels down, cleaning up the papers. She was in the mind that she was going to march down to this law office and talk to him herself. Demand for all of the answers.

Tobi stops in his pacing to look at Noelle. She’s stopped trying to reach for him and is now staring with a blank face. Apparently, that name means something to her because she’s gone from calm to livid in the space of a snap. He turns towards her and oh. She’s pissed, she’s yelling his lawyer’s name like she’s got something personal against the man.

She turns that anger towards him, asking him questions that he doesn’t have the answer to. He shakes his head at her, a little more worried now. He doesn’t like this situation, where he’s put the two of them now, it seems. He hadn’t intended for any of this, he just wanted to stay in school, get his degree, and be done in two years. Why was that so hard? His eyes stare at her as she prowls the space, throws the papers, then looks at him to say what he had least expected.

Richard Hawthorne was Noelle’s dad. There’s a pause then, a silence in the room before Tobi speaks again.

“Bullshit.” He deadpans.

"Dead serious."

She's vibrating, tears in her eyes. Noelle's face is bright red, her eyes shining with hate. Every once that her sister had earlier today is radiating and rippling off of her and into the room. She looks at Tobi and softens, immediately, but she stays where she is, standing. She felt stranded, like she was on her own lifeboat, floating away into nothingness. Her eyes meet his, and she almost breaks. She wasn't angry at Tobi, she was worried and scared and now, awful memories began to swim into the front of her mind. She holds onto her arms now, shaking. She looks away, guilt playing on her face. She hadn't meant to fly off the handle. Not with Tobi. But she felt like she needed to explain it. The best she could.

"He's my dad. He's the asshole that left me and my infant sister. He's the one that drank himself into stupors every single night, switching between kind and awful almost every night. He left my mom. He left me. He left us because he couldn't-"

She sniffs, shivering. She begins to collect papers again, biting her lip hard enough that she begins to draw blood. It drips onto the paper, which ruffles in her hands due to her tremors. She begins to wipe her face. She just wanted Tobi to be better, to feel better, to let go. But she was unable to do it herself. In her small voice, she utters "I'm sorry... I'm going to take care of this. I'm sorry I didn't mean... I'm sorry."

“I ain’t mean,” Tobi breaks off. There’s so much to process here.

Noelle in front of him, her eyes radiating a strong hate that he just can’t comprehend feeling towards his own parents. Can’t imagine his pa ever hurting the two of them just because he could. They had left sure, but it had been both their choices and a giant miscommunication at that. This man, who was trying to collar him, who was trying to keep him in school but in chains, was Noelle’s pa. He had accepted legal help from Noelle’s pa.

He grips his hair even tighter as something rolls unpleasantly in his stomach. He’s not even sure what it is anymore. Nausea? Guilt? Regret? Whatever it is, it’s rising to grip at his heart and his chest and coils around his lungs. This is so much. So much. That black is creeping in again at the corners of his eyes; he’s losing his peripherals. His whole head turns to better look out the window.

“Ne’er wanted thi-“ his voice breaks then into the soft creaking of an old, broken tree in the wind. He snaps his jaw shut and grinds his teeth together as if to crush the strange words. “Ne’er wan-“ the words break again into that strange language. Teeth snap together again in a pained grimace. He tries again. “I a’i-“ Even less this time before the fluttering and creaking sounds of an ancient forest escapes.

The noise that escapes next as he closes his eyes is frustrated, angry, and just on the edge of terrified. It’s the strange culmination of trees that creak like slow, ancient bones, birds fluttering from trees with an angry clatter of wings, and the sky breaking in the clouds above to let loose the start of a torrential downpour. Hands clutch and tear soft at his hair as he looks from the window to Noelle on the ground. Her lip is bleeding from where she bit it. Her hands are shaking, and the papers should be rustling soft in the quiet space, but he can’t hear over the roar of that strange language in his ears.

It’s begging with him, pleading now, and so so enticing. How had he always missed this when he used his powers? How had this gone unnoticed for so long? Had the world always spoken to him in this strange cadence and tone? Noelle had wanted him to use his power, wanted him to feel better, but right now, he doesn’t know what that’ll do. He doesn’t know how far it’ll pull him or even if he’ll come back out. He’s never been unsure about himself before. His own abilities he’s always had unshaking faith in and now, with his carefully crafted world falling in pieces around him, he doesn’t…


He doesn’t know what to do.


He looks between Noelle, the girl he loved on the floor of his dorm bleeding from her lip, holding shaking papers that he had almost signed. Looks at those papers that held in their pages of type a way to save his future but cage him further. He looked at the dorm room around him, the medical textbooks, the homework he had been doing every sleepless night since meeting with Hawthorne. He sees the empty bottle of moonshine, drained quicker than any before it in a desperate desire for sleep. He thinks of Hawthorne, promising victory but dealing him torture for the next two years even if they won. There’s the advisory board, his scholarship, his future, his dreams. His head is pounding, pulling him almost physically towards the window and fresh air. He can’t hear, he can’t breathe, his heart is tight in his chest, he can feel frustrated tears start to well in the corners of his eyes, and he’s slowly losing his vision.

He can feel something in him, deep down inside, snap.

His eyes flick towards the window. The corners of his vision have gone completely dark by now, only half of his vision being the colorful world he's used to and what he feels it should be, but the luminous strings fill the dark and outline the world in sharp black and white outlines. The chatter of the language in his head drowns out what Noelle is saying below him. He needs to move, or he’s going to lose himself. If he doesn't get out, he's going to fall so completely into the world around him and surrender himself into the chatter and to those strings. To the comfort of what it offers. Order. Control. Everything he lacks in this moment.

He feels himself say something along the lines of ‘going for a walk’. He’s not really sure if it came out understandable.

And then he walks barefoot out the door.

Everything felt fuzzy, in slow motion. She had heard Tobi speak in the same tongue as his mother. That natural, etheral and effervescent lilt of the world surrounding them. And the look on Tobi's face had been startling- fear. Genuine fear from the solid mass that she had looked towards. He grips his hair, and Noelle stands, looking at him. "Hey. Hey. I'm here. Wha-"

She breaks off, her voice choked by her throat. She watches him, wanting to reach out and ay the right thing. but her analytical mind had no idea what the right thing was. What she could say to fix all of this? It was a mess. A giant mess from the moment she kissed him at homecoming. She swallowed that thought, swallowing back the feeling like her books were stacking up in her chest, the lightheadness, the fuzziness of her senses. She couldn't trust it- she knew herself to know that this was not the time for words. Tobi was beyond that. Noelle was acutely aware that she had flipped, that she decided to react emotionally and it had blown up in her face.

But she didn't matter right now.

Not to herself. The only thing that mattered to Noelle was Tobi.

And he was heading out of the room. Where? She had no idea.

Logically, she knew he was going to take care of himself. His claustrophobia had gotten the best of him before, he would be fine. but she couldn't shake the dread. So Noelle reacts emotionally again. But instead of flying to the extreme, she just did what she would have wanted and hoped it would be good enough.

Noelle follows him from behind. No words. She balls up her fists to stop herself from shaking, to stop her own anxiety to get the better of her. She follows behind him, her eyes glued to the back of his head.

To anyone on campus, she honestly looked like a lost puppy dog following a boy home. The truth was much more unsettling.

Tobi walks down the steps of the dorm and onto the grass of the quad. He doesn’t know where he’s headed, he just knows that he needs to go, needs to walk, needs to go… somewhere. He bare feet hit the grass and he stops for a moment to just… stand. Toes grip into the grass and dirt and to his too raw nerves, it’s soothing. This is where he wants to be, just… outside. Away from everything.

After a moment, he eases into a slow jog across the quad. Running has always cleared his head, maybe it’ll clear the static of the language that’s drowning out everything around him. He doesn’t notice Noelle following him, doesn’t notice anyone or anything else. Instead, he focuses on the pounding of his feet against the grass and the burn in his muscles. They take him across the quad, faster and faster until he’s sprinting towards the destination he’s decided on halfway there.

Closer, his run transitions effortlessly into a leap towards the ancient oak tree that had become his favorite over the course of the last year and a half. He could feel the history in the bark and the leaves, loved the thick nooks and crannies where he could easily sleep and fold himself into to study. His hands catch one of the lower branches about seven feet off the ground and he swings his momentum up and around the branch with an acrobat’s skill. A second branch is grabbed, then a third and fourth and he’s hauling himself up through almost only upper body strength into the higher branches.

The language seems almost quieter the higher he goes, but he has to maneuver strangely to avoid accidentally grabbing any of the strings. Feet hit rough bark and he can feel the sharp edges of the bark even through his callouses. His fingers curl around a branch and he starts to tug forward, desperate for some quiet. The roar in his ears drowns out the creak of the wood as it bends, then finally snaps.

Tobi lurches backwards. His body is weightless for just a quick moment before he’s thinking, grabbing, hooking his body around the nearest branch and swinging himself onto something sturdier. He settles there, about halfway up and breathes heavy. He leans his body back to let the line of his spine come into full contact with the length of the thick branch he’s on. Overhead, leaves rustle in the soft autumn breeze.

He can’t hear them though. He sees them, sees the movement, feels the breeze, but can’t hear that comforting whisper. ‘You coul’,’ he thinks as he closes his eyes. The strings are bright around him, coating the night in soft, silver light. “I coul’.” He hums in agreement. One hand comes up towards the nearest string. As it comes closer, the voice in his head quiets to a soft whisper, just begging to come back, to come back to it. He wants to so, so bad. His fingers curl around the cord, not yet touching.

It would be so much easier he thinks as he looks into the soft light. So much easier, he thinks as his vision fades further and further into the black and white that had been creeping in since this afternoon. So much, he thinks as the fingers come closer and closer towards the string. Everything in him is screaming to just grab it, tug at it,

fall,

fall,

FALL.

But he doesn’t. His fingers unfurl and he lets them fall back down to his sides. What was he even doing here anymore. Why was he even fighting this? Easiest thing to do would be to just leave, start over again somewhere new. Maybe not even start over again, maybe this was just some sort of impossible pipe dream that he just wasn’t meant to finish to the end. He chuffs out a humorless laugh as his hands come up to rub at his eyes.

And everything he had here? His friends, his mentors, Noelle? Leave them too? When did things get so complicated, he thinks. When did everything fall so far into shit.

Noelle had felt a slight calm as they walked. While he didn't acknowledge her, she saw the lion released from the cage. Tobi didn't look as on edge, as cornered. So she began to breathe again, carefully and deliberately. Forcing herself to lower her heartbeat, bringing oxygen to her brain.

Then he started running.

It was first a job, which Noelle kept up with best she could. But the jog turned to a run which turned into a dead sprint. And she also stood there, in the dust. Watching. Waiting. Instead, she felt her own legs stretch and extend, her feet hitting the ground in a quickening pattern. She didn't call out, she didn't try to startle him. Noelle wasn't even sure if he knew she was there. That thought sunk into her- was she breaching his privacy? Was she being crazy?

Didn't stop her running. Eventually, she sees Tobi begin to climb the gnarled, ancient oak that Noelle had sat underneath many times before, reading and writing, gaining solace from the old knots and roots that made a perfect seat for her. Caught him up in the branches a couple times too. She knew that he occasionally slept outside, she understood that. Noelle also knew that she saw Tobi in this tree more than others.

This time, she couldn't help but stop in her tracks, watching him scale. It was a cross section of incredible and unsettling. The focus, the determination, the lack of awareness of his surroundings. Noelle's sister had scaled many a tree, but never with this fervor. She listens to the breeze, the creaking of the branches. Tobi goes higher and higher, and to her horror, a branch begins to crack. Noelle's heart stops and she stands, paralyzed with fear. She watches, a yell escaping her "Look out-"

It breaks off as Tobi deftly grabs onto a lower branch and swings himself up. She untenses, but there are tears in her eyes. How didn't he notice that? How far away was he?

As he stays put, Noelle looks at the trunk and the lowest branch that was about a foot above her head. She wasn't a natural climber like her sister, but she could get around. She had to chase Joy enough times that she had a couple tricks. Without thinking, she slips off her sweatshirt, shivering in her white cotton tank top. Swinging the arm over the branch, she begins to use the sweatshirt as a makeshift pulley/rope, using it to hoist herself onto the low branch. Crouching, she carefully stands, wobbling a little. After gaining her balance, she clutches on the trunk, scaling slowly. After a couple of minutes, she is just a branch below Tobi, her pale arms covered in a couple of scratches from rubbing against the wizened bark. Now she just watches. Waiting. Her heart thundered in her chest and she felt clammy sweat cling to her, to her tank, to her sweats. Every joint, muscle, tendon was stiff. But she stayed. And she stayed silent. 

The tears were gone. The only thing left on her face was a small spot of caked blood on the corner of her mouth. Noelle had no idea what to do.