Highmauve: Tobi's Dorm

"Beautiful." Tobi replies almost immediately. "We lived farther out, further inta the woods. Off th' grid, y'know?" He leans his head back, the smile refusing to leave. "Gorgeous big trees, the most spectacular sunsets. Like the Lord above took a paintbrush to the sky, paintin'' it pink and purple and orange. And the views, darlin. Lord, the views. Seasons would change, summa' t'fall, and the forest would look like it were catching fire as the leaves turned. The foggy mornin' haze putting everything through a soft focus lens, softenin' the sharp edges a' the mountain. God almighty, I ain't ever seen anything prettier than that." His voice is low and full of longing.

It almost hurts a little, to be reminiscing over his hometown. He decides it's worth it though, to relieve these memories, even more so to share them with someone. A thought occurs to him then. "Should go, you n'me. I'll show you 'round."

"Really?"

The excitement in her voice is electric in the air. This was a girl who has never been invited to a sleepover, let alone going to visit someone's hometown. It was obvious that Tobi was so fond of his roots- the views, the trees, the seasons. It sounded like something out of her books. Tobi was a natural storyteller- he crafted his words so naturally and carefully. Noelle couldn't feel envy, only pride.

But what really got her was that he called her 'darlin'. She noticed it earlier, but something about them laying next to each other, the reverb of his voice in his chest, the way he said it when he wasn't even talking about her. It made her insides melt. She was a popsicle in his hands. She couldn't help it.

"It sounds lovely. I would love to visit with you." Feeling a yawn in her throat, Noelle finally settles in. She would fall asleep listening to that low voice, she decided "What was it like? Growing up like that?"

Noelle decided that she was going to try her best to work up to her actual question. She felt so guilty-maybe this question would have to wait until after Evan was gone.

Stop. You need to stop thinking about it. Focus on Tobi and the warmth and everything else. You have time to figure everything out. She ran through her head a couple times.

"I'll hold you to that." he says. A part of him is delighted Noelle accepted, that she wants to visit his hometown with him. He can feel her excitement, it makes him huff out a laugh, more of a sharp puff of air than anything else. Her next question though has him pause. There's so much to unpack there. How much could he tell without it being strange? His parents were strange, his upbringing unorthodox, and that's putting it lightly. He thinks the question over, lets it roll around in his head.

"Growin' up?" he murmurs. "It were," he pauses, think, starts again. "It was magical growing up in those forests. I was gifted with somethin' a lot a people only dream of  havin'. We were left alone a lot as kids, left t'wander those gorgeous woods. We'd play outside for hours, runnin' through the underbrush, climbin' trees, swimmin' in some small crick bout a mile from the house. Agnes and I love thunderstorms, we'd get lost in the woods durin' 'em and run through the rain, play tag in the resulting fog. There was never any danger, 'specially with Pa around." he clarifies quickly.

"But we were taught a lot. He and my Ma made sure we could survive if they weren't ever 'round. Pa taught me how t'kill, Ma taught me how t'live. Learned how to kill a deer and make a meal with the same knife." That same short laughter. "Kind of wish they taught me how t'do taxes instead. Knife skills ain't exactly applicable to college life."

His voice sinks low. "Sometimes I miss 'em. I know they fine, but sometimes I jus' wanna see 'em. Y'know?"

She nodded silently. She was amazed at the complete differences in their lives. While Noelle grew up in a fairly normal household that had its issues, Tobi and his family were living on the land. Literally. The lifestyle started to fascinate Noelle. She didn't know if she could have handled it- she was nowhere near tough enough.

While she didn't relate on an experience standpoint with Tobi, she did relate to the last thing he said although in a different way than he did. She missed her dad; last she'd heard, he had started another family in Wisconsin, but that was years ago. Noelle hadn't seen him in 8 years. She had no clue how much a person could change in that time without seeing them. All you could do was hold onto the memories.

She got the impression that Tobi's parents were a strange bunch, but she didn't mind. How could she judge?

"I get that... When was the last time you saw them?" She yawns audibly this time, her eyes finally getting heavy.

"Aww, lemmie think." Tobi hums in thought. "It's 2008, ain't it, so that means..." Comfortable silence fills the air as Tobi does some metal math.

"Bout six or seven years. They both left little after 2000, went real off grid. I think I was jus' startin' high school, if I'm remembering right."

He's starting to really fade out. His eyes droop, his limbs are going lax, and his breathing and heart rate are evening out into something steady and slow. He's just barely awake. Its a mystery if he's even going to remember the things talked about tonight, though the feelings he'll most certainly keep.

Noelle nods, silently. She rolls this information around in her head, hoping that she wasn't being presumptuous by thinking that he hasn't really had anyone to rely on besides Agnes and Sunshine for almost a decade. Huh.

She knew it was now or never. She had a feeling that Tobi was tired enough that if she said even a sliver of what she was thinking, he wouldn't bring it up in the morning. She takes a deep breath, her voice small as ever "Tobi.... I... I really appreciate you... And that you're in my life. You've been here since day one and-" She breaks off, realizing that she's rambling "I'm trying to say that we find people in our lives and.. you just... click with them. And I haven't-" Breaking off again, she nestles closely to him.

"Thank you. For everything. You make me feel... Well... Like I matter... And I think... I think I-" Just say it, Noelle. Just say what you're feeling for once. Don't sink behind the thoughts and mask you've built. "I like having you here. In my life."

She hopes he understands the underlying message. She hopes that she doesn't think ill of her for going with Evan because he was available and he wanted her. She doesn't dare look at him, as she closes her eyes.

He's fading fast, losing himself to his surroundings as he slowly falls asleep. Underneath a warm blanket with the weight of Noelle pressed against him, he's one step away from a peaceful, dreamless slumber. His consciousness tugs at him, wants that comfortable ease, but Noelle's voice pulls him from falling completely. She's saying something, something almost too soft for him to hear.

He blinks his eyes blearily to try and better focus on what she's trying to tell him. This close, he can feel the nervous, heavy thump of her heart. Somethin' important then if she gettin' worked up about it. It takes an almost physical effort to pull himself back to the present just in time for her to nestle closer into his side, and wow. A little something fizzles out in his brain as she moves to better rest her head on him. This sleepy, he doesn't have even the thought to not be a little pleased by that. It's nice, having someone this close.

'Nice to have Noelle this close.' His brain amends for him. 'Real nice,' he thinks around the burn in his chest. He sits there enjoying the peace, the warmth, the breeze through the window and the soft noises it kicks up when it comes through the window soft and slow. Noelle's in his space, one that he carved out for himself, that he's lived in, worked in, and become familiar with, and that just settles so right with him.

'Oh.' he thinks with an absolute sudden clarity. The thought takes root in him, sits heavy and warm and peaceful. His heart beats just as steady, just as slow and smooth as ever. 'Oh.'

------------------------------------------------------

She's still speaking. He strains to hear, catches just the tail end, that she likes havin' him in her life. That makes him smile soft, sweet, and oh so quiet. And maybe he can blame a little of this on the fact that he's half asleep, but he holds her a little closer, wraps her a little tighter in his arms, brings her as close into his space as he thinks he can get away with right now. One of hands finds hers, tangles their fingers together as best he can.

"I like havin' you in m'life too, darlin." he finally says, soft and dripping with sleep. "Like it a whole lot."

He yawns and the wind yawns with him, coming through the window to ruffle his hair. His body settles deep onto the couch. He can feel himself drifting under, floating soft just a little out of the present. He can feel his senses start to fade into the world around him, feels the trees whisper their thoughts to the wind, the cool outdoor air, the soft light of the moon and the stars flickering like string lights above the world. "Whole lot." he repeats, drawing out the words.

'Pity she already got a boy.' is his last thought before he finally drifts off to sleep.

Noelle freezes when his fingers wrap around hers. Ever so gently, she squeezes his hand in her own, They are so close now, Noelle doubts that they could get closer to one another. She listens to his response and she glows. She knew he was on the edge of sleep, but she didn't care. She often found that the most truthful things are thought and said right before you go to sleep.

She feels his consciousness fall into the world, his yawn entering through the window. She closes her eyes, wishing that this moment wouldn't end. That she would stay in this room, this space, with Tobi forever. He was such an integral part of her life now. She didn't know how she even functioned before she met him a little over a month ago.

Was it only a month ago? It felt like she had known him for lifetimes. For eons. He pulled him to her with his quiet friendliness and strength. She knew exactly what he added to his life. But she couldn't figure out why he thought of her in the same way.

It takes a little while, but Noelle slowly drifts to sleep to the sound of his heartbeat. Her dreams are colors and shapes and feelings. She wouldn't remember what it was when she woke up, but she knew that it would imprint a pleasant feeling on her. She sleeps like a board; no movement, no adjusting. Just a quiet snore and a little drool.

Tobi sleeps soundly as the world eases from night to early dawn. He's a pretty deep sleeper, and some mornings it can be especially hard to pull himself out of whenever he's chosen to sleep and into the hazy fog of wakefulness. This morning for example. He's comfortable and warm, with Noelle in his arms. He's got less of a hold on her than he did last night; one arm is draped over top of her as the other hangs off the couch. It would take damn near the end of the world to wake him as he is now.

Outside the door, the first sounds of the day can be heard. Students with early classes are shuffling around, walking up and down the hallway, finding their way to the kitchen. Different voices and laughter are muted as they pass by the heavy wooden door. A pair of feet run down the hallway. Tobi just snores.

Noelle, on the other hand, was a very light sleeper. It doesn't take much to wake her up. The sounds of a busy morning for example. She slowly wakes up, her eyes blinking open. The warmth of the blankets and Tobi was like a magnet. Maybe she should just...

Noelle yawned. She had to get up. She had earlish classes, and she also had to face Evan. Ever so slowly, Noelle releases herself from her confines and stands up. She scratches her head and rubs her eyes, yawning. That was the best she had slept since she got to school. Maybe even the best sleep she's ever had.

She grabs her glasses and puts them on, and looks at Tobi. God. He looked so cute. The freckles that dotted his cheeks, the bush of hair, the rough and callused hands. He looked so peaceful, but still so strong and capable. Guilt squeezed her heart again.

She grabs her messenger bag and adjusts it on her shoulder. 'Alright,' She thought 'Let's do this.'

But Noelle kept watching Tobi. She chewed her lip. She wanted to stay here and just lay with him. Stay there all semester if she could. But she couldn't. Not now. But she still felt a little bold and decided to take a small chance. Something that would make her really happy.

She leaned down, her hair coming down like a curtain on her left side of her face. She placed her lips on his temple and gave him a quick, but remarkably soft kiss. It's affectionate and sweet. After a moment, she straightens up, gives him one more look, and walked out of his room.

Saturday, October 11th, 2008

11:30 pm

The dorm is empty when the three of them arrive wet, exhausted, and in the case of two of them, covered in blood. Agnes staggers forward down the hallway and towards Tobi’s dorm room. As strong as she was, she had been lugging nearly two hundred pounds of wet dead weight on her back and in heels since the cafeteria. Those three sets of stairs had almost done her in. The walk had been quiet on the way over. She's worried string bean might be in shock or something similar. She'd heard the sirens as they had walked, knew the shit show that was about to unfold over at the dance. They'd probably be over here soon in any case to ask their side of the story. God, she really didn't think the night would end like this.

She reaches the door, trying the handle with her knee. It’s locked. “Damn it, Tobi,” she mutters annoyed under her breath before toeing off her heels. She squares up sideways with the door, raises one leg, and smashes her bare foot against the door in a sharp kick. It swings open.

"Bless the Lord for weak locks." She says under her breath before stepping inside.

Inside, it’s just as they left it earlier in the day. It’s cleaner than the last time Noelle was in here, with the books put away and papers organized on his desk. The laptop is still playing something soft and twangy; the two of them had forgotten to turn the laptop off before they left. After a minute, the radio host comes on to announce the station and next song.

Agnes clears a space on the floor to set Tobi down, then goes to dig through his closet. She pulls out a hoodie, a grey t-shirt, two pairs of sweatpants, and a couple towels. She throws the hoodie and sweatpants at Noelle. “Go change.” She says as she crouches on the floor next to her comatose brother. “You’ll freeze in tha’. Grab some paper towels while yer at it.” The jar of moonshine is pulled out of her bag.

Once Noelle leaves, Agnes sets to work drying Tobi off, peeling off his suit, and changing him into dryer clothes. He’s unwieldy as big as he is, and by the time she’s done and has him on the bed, she’s absolutely drained. She goes to her own duffel bag, pulls out a change of clothes, and strips the water and blood-soaked dress off her before changing into something soft and warm. She sends a quick text to Winter, asking about the situation. She had only known the girl for a night, but she had a feeling that Winter would have the situation well in hand. Seemed like the type.

A box of snacks is plucked from Tobi's shelves, the lid to the moonshine is unscrewed, and she sits on the bed with her back to the wall, eating crackers and drinking something that would peel paint off a car.

She’s just waiting for Noelle now with those paper towels. Her fingers absently card through her brother’s still damp hair.

Noelle watches as Agnes kicks the door open, and she shuffles inside, standing right by the door. She stared at Tobi on the ground, chewing her lip so hard, she began to draw blood.

But she catches the hoodie and the sweatpants. She listens to her instructions. And she goes down the hall to the communal bathroom. It's empty, but she still chooses to change in the stall. Peeling off the dress was unpleasant. A thin sheen of water was covering her skin. She sighed, and opened the stall, grabbing some paper towels and drying herself off as much as she could. She starts with her shoulders and neck and went down to her legs. When she looked back up in the mirror a sob got caught in her throat.

This was all her fault. From the beginning. There were so many things that she could have done to make sure none of this happened. She should have never dated Evan in the first place, she should have broken up with him after that night she had spent with Tobi, she should have slapped him after the first time Evan had kissed her, and this whole night? It was a mistake.

Well, not the whole night.

The hole in her stomach was hollow and empty. The numbness was still here. She tried to remember what it felt like when Tobi had kissed her back and danced with her and everything else that had happened between them, She tried to remember being tangled up in his arm, and under his quilt. The warmth. A hint hit her chest. But that was all she could do.

Evan had made her feel disgusting. She could feel his fingers on her even now. Looking in the mirror, the bruises on her wrists and arms showed her that it was real.

Thoughts swirled in her head. To flee, to lay down and start crying, to-

Stop. Tobi needed her. She wiped the tears and sniffed. Quickly, she put on the sweatpants and sweatshirt. They were huge on her, but they smelled of him and they were warm. That was all that mattered. She took her clutch and grabbed a ponytail holder. She flipped her hair up into a messy wet bun. She quickly took her contacts out, and took out the case, placing them in. She grabbed her dress and looked in the mirror. She was a blur. She preferred it that way. Taking a huge handful of paper towels, she made her way back to Tobi's room.

Once there, she sat against the couch after she handed over the paper towels.. Not on it, against it. She didn't feel like she even deserved a comfy place to sit. She was curled up, her knees to her chin. She looked at Agnes, the bottle, and then Tobi. She says the first words since Agnes agreed to let her come "Can I have some of that?"

Agnes sets down her snack and takes the paper towels with a nod. She takes a sip of the moonshine before dipping one of the paper towels in the jar, pulling it out, and beginning to wipe the blood from Tobi's nose and mouth. The towels come away stained in red and smelling like a barfight. She piles them up as she goes until finally, his face is clean and she starts on his hands. She's almost glad he can't feel this, probably stings like hell.

Noelle's voice breaks the soft quiet. She's asking for a drink. Agnes looks over at her sitting on the floor. The girl looks ragged sitting there in her brother's clothes, they look like they're swallowing her. She looks small, drawn, and so, so tired. Agnes knows that if she were in the same position, she'd want something to take the edge off. Even still though, she knows her Ma's moonshine. Tobi and Agnes can only drink it cause they're each built like a brick house and were introduced to it pretty young. It stings like drain cleaner going down, doubles as a strong disinfectant, and would probably have Noelle on the floor faster than Tobi put Evan on the ground.

Agnes looks over at Noelle. "You sure?"

Noelle stares at Agnes, deadpan. “Yes. I’m sure.”

She neglects to tell her that she was only nineteen and has never had a drink in her short and young life. Or she hadn’t had an actual meal for days. But she needed something to stop the disgusted numbness that filled her belly. She didn’t care if it tasted like battery acid. If it were to numb her in a way that made her forget the way that Evan had held her and touched and almost-

Stop it.

She looked at Agnes, her eyes devoid of any emotion or warmness.

Agnes shrugs. "A'ight, suit yourself." Shes about to hand over the jar, looks Noelle over, pauses. She's gotta be at least a bit responsible here, Tobi would kill her when he wakes up if she wasn't. Kid's young, but she's got no moral high ground there. The thing that worries her is how slim she is.

"Only if you have whate'ers in his minifridge while you do. I know he got a sandwich in there, and I don't want y'dead." With this she gets up and hands over the jar.

She moves around the room, looking for something. Finally she spots it on the shelves above Tobi's desk. She reaches up and pulls down a well stocked first aid kit. Popping it open, she grabs gauze to wrap his knuckles in.

"And get on tha' couch." She motions towards the soft behind Noelle as she sits back down on the bed and picks up Tobi's damaged hand. "Gotta be comfier than the floor."

She's worried about the string bean. Whatever happened to her before her brother got involved had to be tramatic, but she's not saying anything about it. She doesn't look to be feeling much about it either, from the look she gives her. Agnes knows giving her alchohol is gonna do about as much good as throwing a lit match on a can of gasoline, but she can't think of much else to do. It's the wrong kind of comfort, but at least it's some kind.

Noelle looks at the jar and the clear liquid inside. She weighs it in her hand. It didn’t seem scary, but she knew what alcohol could do. Her dad had taken right before her sister was born. He would come home mean and loud, waking her up and fighting with her mom. But she didn’t care. She knew the other side her father had- the one that wasn’t afraid to talk to her and was sweet to her. She needed that.

But she was also not going to ignore Agnes. Noelle had the feeling that that girl would stuff food down her throat. She better do it herself. She got up and went over to the fridge, getting the sandwich. She closes it, plopping herself on he couch, and takes a bite.

It sits in her mouth for way to long, turning soggy. It tasted good, but Noelle couldn’t really sense that. Eventually, she forces herself to chew and swallow. She does one more bite, and then sets it aside.

She unscrews the jar, and the scent smacks her in the face. This shit was going to hurt. It could have cleaned an engine. But at least she’s feel something besides the hole that was eating away her insides

In hindsight, she knew that this was the attitude that lead her dad to the bottle. Didn’t matter.

She takes a deep breath and takes a big swig. Her eyes went the widest they’d ever been. Now, to her credit, Noelle was able to knock 95% of it back into her throat, letting it slide down and burn. The other 5% turned into a loud spatter that she spit foreword. She coughs, sputtering, before saying in a low and husky voice “Holy fuck!”

"It's got a bit'a bite to it." Agnes deadpans from the bed, not looking up from her task but smirking quietly.

She threads the gauze around Tobi's hand and through his fingers until she's satisfied. When she's done, she places his hand gently on his chest, watches it bob up and down as he breathes. It's a reassuring sight. She pulls the quilt scrunched at the edge of his bed up and over Tobi, tucking him in at the sides and elevating his head with a pillow. One last fond flick of her fingers against his head and she moves across the room to sit next to Noelle on the couch.

She plucks the jar out of Noelle's hands while she sputters, swirls it around, then takes a large swallow of the clear liquor. Her throat bobs as she drinks deep from the mason jar. She sighs as she finishes and holds the jar back out for Noelle to take. "Ain't as good as her blackberry one." She says as she leans her head back against the couch.

Noelle was starting to feel a tingling warmth in her finger. The knot in her stomach starts to untangle. Her face tightened and her sinuses cleared. She felt electric and awful at the same time.

But she wanted more. She wipes her mouth and looks back at Agnes as she takes the jar away. "Hm. I should try it some time." She isn't speaking as softly as usual. She reaches for the jar and frowns "Not much left for the rest of the night. And I know for a fact that I will not be sleeping. Here"

She hands it back, reaching down for her clutch, grabs it and brings it up. She finds her small book and takes it, looking at Agnes, before reaching for the jar again. She then grabs a disposable coffee cup from Tobi's desk. Noelle opens the lid, drains the contents, and pours a drop of the moonshine into it. She hands the jar back. She hadn't done something like this in years, but she didn't care right now. She just needed to last the night. Holding the cup between her legs, she flips through the book for the passage she was looking for. She squinted her eyes. She knew what she was going to read, but she needed the words to be right.

Finally, Noelle finds it. She turns to Agnes, handing her the jar. She didn't need it anymore. "Watch this shit. It's insane."

The brazenness isn't really there for comedic effect. She just knew that Agnes is probably wondering what she was doing. Also, Noelle ran out of fucks to give after the first drink. She looks at the book and speaks. As she does so, smoke billows out of her mouth and out the window, the ink swimming together and coagulating, then raising itself to the coffee cup, surrounding it.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

She puts an emphasis on the last phrase. The cup immediately fills itself over, leaking from the lid. She licks, wrinkling her nose. It tasted the same, but not. It tasted like a memory of the moonshine. But she didn't care. "Not the same, but close enough." Noelle takes a swig, pushing it all back. The passage is now missing in her book. The ink had evaporated as well.

Agnes watches the girl. She was right, two sips in and she was gone. She was louder, more careless with her words. She watches as Noelle pours the drop into a cup and pulls out a book. Agnes has to wonder what she's doing. When the smoke starts to pour out of her mouth, Agnes almost panics. Her eyes go wide and her hand comes up to smack at the air to try and dissipate the smoke.

When the smoke settles, the cup Noelle had was full of what looked like her Ma's moonshine. She peers into it, inspecting. It looks the same, smells just a little bit off. One finger dips into the liquid and she brings it to her lips, tasting it. It doesn't taste exactly like the original in the jar; it tastes more like a blurry copy of the original. It's lack the same amount of bite that the original has, and it doesn't quite taste like drinking with her parents after a long day of work. 'Still,' she thinks. 'It's alcohol.' She remembers now that Noelle had told her a while ago about her talent; it's more impressive up close.

Agnes drains the original mason jar dry and offers it to Noelle for her to pour the new stuff into.

She begins to feel just the lightest haze of a buzz in her mind, just enough to make her a little more pliant, a little looser. She curls up on the couch, wrapping her arms around her long legs. Noelle next to her is preoccupied with draining the new stuff dry. She knows she should take it from her, keep her from destroying herself, prevent some regrets in the morning. So she does. She plucks the mason jar from her hands, reaches over and replaces it with the sandwich next to her.

"Eat, kiddo." she says as she screws the cap back onto the jar and sets it on the floor.

Noelle's mouth is dry when the sandwich is in her hands.

She didn't know why she had such an aversion to eating sometimes. It wasn't because she didn't want to eat. It was because she couldn't. It sat in her mouth and then hit her belly like a lead weight. And it wasn't because she hated her body, or wanted to lose weight. It was something much deeper and darker than that. She wanted to feel that burn down her throat and feel her teeth buzz. She didn't want a sandwich to sit in her mouth, making her retch.

Noelle puts the hood up of her sweatshirt and stares at the sandwich. Her brain was feeling fuzzy, but it was slower. Less anxious. She looks at Agnes as if to say Do I really have to?

Then she looked at Tobi, and her heart gave a tight squeeze. He would have sat next to her and talked her through it and made some sort of concession so that she would eat and he would... well she didn't know. She watched him, furrowing her brow as if she was trying figure something out.

She takes a small bite. For him. Not for her. Her eyes do not leave him as she does "Can I ask you a question?"

It's directed to Agnes. It's a plain and simple favor, but Noelle knew that this would open a conversation that would last for a while. She starts to chew, slowly, agonizingly, and then does a hard swallow.

Agnes watches her pick up the sandwich and stare at it as if it's personally wronged her. Watches her look at her, her eyes pleading in that silent language that she and her brother were both fluent in. Agnes nods back at her, but Noelle looks away towards Tobi on the bed. Agnes follows her gaze.

Her brother still hasn't moved. His chest rises and falls as he breathes in and out, she can see the rhythmic movement from here. His damp hair is splayed on the pillow behind him and his eyes are closed to the world around him. His feet dangle off the too small bed and his large frame takes up most of the full sized mattress. It's strange, she knows, to see him so vulnerable, so less than invincible. She casts a glace at Noelle; she looks like she's puzzling something out. What it is, Agnes can't tell.

Noelle breaks the silence with a question. Agnes looks over at her.

"Shoot." she says simply.

Noelle takes a deep breath and takes another bite. She chews it and swallows just as slowly, this time grimacing. She sets it down, still staring at Tobi "I don't mean for any of this to be rude or prying. You don't have to answer, but I will ask. And if you do answer, you have to be honest."

She pauses, staring at Tobi, his breathing, his hair, his wrapped up knuckles. Her heart was squeezed again, but no tears came to her eyes. She decided that she had cried enough for one night. "How bad was this? For him. Has it been worse? I'm not afraid of him and I'll help him however I can and I'll do whatever I can to help him."

Noelle turns to Agnes, her wide eyes still filled with nothingness "Or was that the worse it's ever been? Because if it is, I'm not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself." She's silent, rolling a couple thoughts in her head. The combination of the long night, the lack of sleep, the hunger, and the drink had made her begin to say things that she had been holding for weeks.

"Because this is all my fault. You realize that right? Every decision I-" she punched the word "- made lead us here. Every boneheaded, dimwitted, and downright stupid decision I made."

Agnes lets the question settle with her as she looks over at her brother. There's a quiet, pregnant pause as she thinks over her answer. She opens her mouth, closes it, reconsiders. Eventually she settles on shaking her head.

"He always done stupid shit." she starts. "Always done stupid, brave, protective shit. It's jus' who he is. And when he ends up hurtin', he ain't ever mind, cause it usually means someone else is alive where they would'a not been." She settles her chin on her knees.

"He tol' you 'bout how he found out he could do the shit he does?" she doesn't look at Noelle, she already knows he probably did. She's watching Tobi breathe with an eerie focus. "Tha' was the worst. He don't remember much about it, jus' snippets from the moments before and what we ended up tellin' him later. He don't know he stopped breathin' for a little bit there. Dead as a doornail for about a minute." she closes her eyes, breathes out long through her nose. "Ma brought him back. He had no experience, no idea of what he coul' do, what he shouldn't do, and he damn near killed himself cause of it. He's gotten better over the years, grown into it jus' like me and mine."  

"I ain't gon' lie though, I don't know how long he's gonna be out." she opens her eyes, looks sideways at Noelle. "It's up there. Ain't the worst, but it's been a while since he passed out usin' it."

She turns her head now fully. "But one thing for sure. You ain't make him do this. This ain't on you. He would'a done the same boneheaded thing were it anyone else on that wall. If you gonna keep blamin' your decisions, than you gotta start blamin' him too. He came here, he chose to do what he did. Tobi has more control over himself than anyone save our Pa. Every decision he's made has been him, all him."

Noelle's eyes shift back to Tobi during Agnes' answer. She doesn't move, doesn't speak, doesn't interrupt. She's relieved that he's gone through worse and that he was breathing. That he was alive.

When Agness turns to her, Noelle doesn't look at her. Her eyes stay fastened on Tobi. Logically, she understood what she said. She didn't make Tobi do anything- just like how she didn't make her father leave her family, or how she didn't make Evan touch her. But all she could do is go through each and every decision she made up until this point, and trying to figure out just how badly she messed up. But she decided to drop it. It was a mute point. She changed the subject. They had the whole night to talk about this. These feelings and doubts fo a lot deeper than just tonight.

"They aren't going to expel him." Her confidence is astounding. Noelle looks back at Agnes, a little spark back in her eyes "They might suspend him, but they won't expel him."

She decides to expand on it, turning her body so her back hit the arm of the couch. She scrunched her knees forward "Evan wasn't expecting to go to the hospital tonight. So, as we speak, they are realizing that even though he was beaten half to hell, he had enough alcohol in his system that he should have his stomach pumped. He's only nineteen, so he'll need to explain that. Secondly, there were a lot of people who saw Evan and I go out first. And then Tobi stormed after minutes after us. So, Tobi couldn't have had the inciting incident. Thirdly, Evan is a nobody. He talks like he's big shit, but he's an average college student from an average family. He isn't bringing money into the university. The admin won't care. And yeah, we're all mutants, but there was only one using their abilities and Tobi was smart enough to not do anything that would physically hurt Evan besides punching him. A similar incident had happened a few years back at another university. I read all about it."

Whenever she spoke the blonde boy's name, it was like a curse. Each word spoken was calculated and cool.

"What, you studyin' law or somethin'?" Agnes says. Her tone is teasing, but inside, she's relieved. This degree, this opportunity meant everything to Tobi. She didn't want him to loose it because of one night and one asshole. She thinks for a moment in the silence that follows and suddenly that worry is back. Her insides knot uncomfortably.

"What about his scholarship?" she asks softly. "That's the only reason he's able to be here, we got nothin'." She huffs out a laugh to cover the shake in her voice. "If he's suspended, won't they take that away?"